To The Guy Doing My Wife

Do you ever visit the “Best of Craigslist” section of Craigslist? If not, you’re missing out on some funny stuff. Take for example the post below…

To the guy doing my wife at my house – mw4mw
Date: 2009-09-23, 2:40PM PDT

To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know. No I am not angry; I would just ask a few things of you. After all you are giving it to my wife.

1. Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.

2. You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit (god knows I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.

3. If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up.

4. Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son believes if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recommend a better spot?

5. After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, I run out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty (thanks).

6. Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not mentally challenged.

7. Please stop turning the heat up, you pay nothing and MUD is putting it in my ass, my wife may like it but I think it hurts.

8. When she asks “do these pants make me look fat”, say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.

9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.

10. Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too) has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left.

Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only ordered one meal. I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become awkward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don’t feel rushed.

P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Sunset State Beach Camping on the 26th of September for two days; I have a bottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.

Thanks. This was not written by anyone named [deleted].

I think that sounds fair, don’t you?

Beware of Assholes on Craigslist

There are some people in this world who get joy from life just by making other people miserable and the perfect place for someone like this to get their thrills is Craigslist.

Go read the posts over at DontEvenReply.com and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

Basically, what the guy who runs this site does, is find posts on Craigslist, acts like someone who’s genuinely interested and then completely pisses the ad poster off after that.

I have to admit that the conversations that occur on this site are hilarious, but I sure would be pissed too if I became his target.

Rant of the Week: I Hate People and Their Dirty Tricks

Craigslist Flag Picture

I work in the very competitive industry of internet marketing so I’ve seen my fair share of dirty tricks. Some people don’t care about the way they do business as long as they’re #1. This isn’t the way I work though. I work hard to get my clients lots of business and I do it legitimately.

This is why this new software I just heard about pisses me off. What it does is trick Craigslist into thinking that other peoples posts are spam and will delete them. It will click on those “flag as spam” links several times on the competitors posting and will make it look like it has come from unique IP addresses.

I think that if you’re business has to resort to these kinds of tricks, then your business probably sucks and you need to work on that first. Then you’ll start bringing in customers without having to buy controversial software. People work hard for their money, and you should too. If you don’t work hard, don’t expect to stay in business too much longer either.